The Importance Of Connection

By Jane Faulkner, Psychotherapist and Equine Assisted Therapist.

I have a healthy respect for anyone choosing to raise kids consciously in today’s world. In my experience to raise children consciously has required a lot of growth and self-examination on my part. My path in parenting has led me to really check myself out and many times it has been very humbling and painful.

As a new parent there is so much information out there, everyone has an opinion! For me this was totally overwhelming and I lost my self and my truth in the craziness of it all.

I was an idealist, I wanted to be the best parent I could be and like any parent raise happy, healthy, resilient, well-adjusted kids. However, in having these ideals my life became unrealistic. In trying to tick all of the good parent- great kid boxes I burnt out. I became so exhausted and overwhelmed that I forgot what nourished me and I forgot how to really be with my son and myself.

When my son was born, I struggled in giving up my old identity and the self worth that this gave me. I started getting my worth from how I parented, and how well my son behaved.

I realised that I wasn’t really seeing him at all- I was looking for his faults and how I needed to improve him and my parenting in some way. A lot of what he does presses my buttons! I used to take it personally, get cranky and want him to change to fit within my ideal of what ‘a good boy’ was. In this process, I created distance and felt like I couldn’t reach him. This realization was a scary one.

I love my children and had fantasies that due to all of the work I had done on myself as a psychotherapist, raising my kids and staying connected to them would be a breeze. My son has been such a wonderful teacher and in order to re-connect with him I have had to…